having my study week now.

first paper on 29th Dec 2013. 

yeap. no Christmas for me.

and study makes me feel so much of emotions..

STRESSED.

TENSION.

DEPRESSED.

NERVOUS.

NAUSEOUS.

BITTERSWEET.

CRAZY.

well, again, can't wait for it to end. 

13th January 2014,

please come faster.

29th Dec 2013 - 13th January 2014

Please Be Nice to Me.

and I pray,

God, please help me to score this semester.

I'm just having mood swings. 

Maybe. 

Feels like crying but can't. 

What should I do?

I feel the burden suddenly.

Everything seems to be going down.

And no one seems to understand. 

I could not share how I feel or what I'm going through.

Hence, I act like I'm fine.

Putting on my mask everyday. 

It's so tiring.

My faith seems to be faltering.

Or maybe I've already given up.

As I realise..

In the end, there's only me, I turn to.

To depend on.

emo? 

but this is what i truly feel.

Why post whatever you're feeling or wanted to say on FB or Twitter or somewhere else?

Just want to share with the whole world?

So your friends know what you are up to?

To seek some attention?

As for me, maybe I was hoping someone out there would stumble upon what I've posted, understands me and save me from all the 'monsters'.

Maybe. Just Maybe.

yes, I have accepted the cruel reality,

but I still cling on the tiny hope.

My lovely dog, my lovely Ah San

How you used to be a great brother,

to Ah Pui and us.

How you used to be so shy,

turning away your face when we want to kiss you.

How you used to be so obedient,

listening to what we says.

How you used to be so cute,

afraid of disobeying mom but glancing at her instead.

How you used to be so mischievous,

doing things that you know will make mom angry.

How you used to be so active,

running around and chasing birds/rats.

How you used to be so protective,

barking and notifying us about everything.

How you used to be so comforting,

just by being there when I'm sad.

How you used to be so loyal,

staying by our side for 13 long years.

How you used to be so understanding,

looking at us with your eyes filled with emotions.

You were struggling for almost a week,

without any food but only water,

just because your stomach could not handle it.

I knew your time is almost up,

but I'm still not prepared for it.

My tears can't seem to stop.

My family said maybe you're waiting for me to be back..

then I remembered how I used to ask you to wait for me to be back home,

whenever I go back to Kelantan to study.

Did you remember and tried to keep the promise?

I'm sorry that I'm not there to see you for the last time.

I should have went back this weekend.

I hate myself for not doing so.

Please forgive me.

You will always be in my heart,

I Love You

and

I Miss You dearly.

Please be happy..

RIP.

just let me cry for a day..

bottled-up everything..

cause I'm afraid to expose my weakness

I just refuse to..

but it's killing me inside.

....

It feels great to be home

and going out with friends.

I get to forget all my worries and tension for a while.

Although I'm guilty for not doing my assignments and study for midterm. Aiksss

It's nice to pamper myself sometimes. (:

Which is more difficult?

To die for someone?

or

To be alive for someone?

Fanfic makes me think again...

I don't want my midsem break to end..

having SIEP2 presentation tomorrow

it's killing me cause my PA is strict

if i don't get A this time I seriously thought of killing whoever there is.

damn.

going fieldtrip at Penang and get to go back home.

seems cool.

but still darn tired and don't wish to move any of my muscle/tissue. 

T_______________T

serious dilemma.

i don't know what to do.

*screamsandthrowtantrum!*

please give me some signs on what to do.

Miracle?!

I was just dropping by my blog for fun..

didn't plan to update.

but then..as i scroll down..my eyes caught on something!

THAT'S MY WISH LIST IN MY BLOG THAT I EDITED NOT TOO LONG AGO!!

and guess what?!

i think it's not un-reach-able wishes anymore.

i just bought a secondhand A Week Holiday Photobook last week.

(though the condition of the photobook is not that good. but that's the best i can get now.)

and I'm so going to TVXQ concert in this coming May (2013)

yea, that's the reason I freak out suddenly.

my un-reach-able wishes became reality afterall.

how I hope all my Un-reach-able Wish List come true! ^^

Thank you  God for making my wishes come true

and  thank you for giving me a reason to look forward to this semester.

Wait for me, JUNG and SHIM. ♥  

New Year New Year

2013 2013

and I'm still in Jelifornia..

trying to study, preparing for finals. O.O"

oh why..

no Christmas for me. no New Year for me.

still, I sincerely hope year 2013 will be a great year to everyone

who is pure and kind hearted ONLY! haha

Hope it'll be a great one for me too. 

although I don't expect much.

I want more SMILES. 

and reduce my levels of SEVEN SINS.

ooppsss

really hope i'll get good result this sem.

my guardian angle please protect me.

God please love me.