most of the time i blog, it would be something sad/emo/depressing

sometimes i blame it on my month of birth - March (Pieces).

always emotional.

i felt so lost. Again.

i need some guidance.

although i kept telling myself to be happy....

i just can't.

the happiness just won't last.

i became lazy again.

started to slack off and online..

staring the laptop doing nothing.

i hope this ends soon and

starts to study. exam is on 1st Jan 2012..

what am i doing?

wake up girl...

suddenly i felt my life is so fucked up

maybe it's time of the month to be emotional.

nothing is going well..

i have to tolerate with some people

which i can't understand why God is testing my patience

wherever i go. is this some kind of training or punishment?

i have my period today in the middle of the lecture..

i have my period pain

it rain till semi-flooded today (wrong timing)

i have my BioD midterm this coming Tuesday morning

i learnt that i could actually lie...well WHITE LIES.

there's no water in my hostel

i get to take my bathe at only 10+pm.

i can't wash my clothes.

and most of all......

i got a call.

to inform that Min Min my hamster escaped from house.

How?

no one knows.

how the door has gap suddenly?

maybe Min Min just wanted to get away cause he knows his time is going to be up soon.

how silly of him...

i didnt even get to see him yet

just got the news he's extremely thin and fur-less.

before this..i thought i will be fine if i ever hear this bad news..

but no..eventually my tears fell. crap.

my life is definitely messed up once again.

why? my karma?

been with us since

September 13th 2009

till December 11th 2011.

with us for 2 years 2 months and 28 days..

I'm sorry for not being the best owner.

I know you're sick.

Maybe this is the best solution for you.

I somehow hope you'll be fine.

Wherever you are now,

I hope you're happy.

If you reincarnate, I hope the best for you.

My one and only

♥ Min Min ♥

please be well..

feel so useless

feel so unwanted

feel so unimportant

feel so lost

feel so purposeless in life

feel so stupid

feel like crying

feel like vanishing into thin air

used to feel people who commit suicide is so stupid

but not anymore.

i think they are brave in a way.

they might have their reasons.

i just need to sleep it off.

i think i will be fine..

just felt like screaming out profanities and all the harsh words

well, the thing is i don't and i won't

yeap, bottle everything up to suffer myself ==

maybe cause i'm having flu now..

a sick me is a sensitive me = irrational me. SHIET

which means even a slight thing annoys me to death.

i really need to be alone now.

quiet and peace surrounding

where i can listen to my songs and just feel better bout everything.

i want and need some privacy time..

im so used to be alone.

UGH

be considerate please?

things i couldn't control

or even imagined...

still, i have to continue.

i'm tired of thinking,

i'm just going with the flow.

whatever comes,

i will try my best to face it.

I hope God plans well for me.

life seems more like a game,

i will keep on survive.

Nothing seem to go smooth for me

i may look like and sounds fine

but the truth is..

i felt hurt by a lot of things.

still i would comfort myself,

"Just ignore it.

It's not going to be for long.

Just go with the flow.

I will not lose.

Just think bout something happy.

Everything's going to be FINE.

Just live.

And see what's more to come..."

i dislike it when 'you' judge me,

because 'you' just can't see it..

To break down and cry out loud
like there's no tomorrow
just the temptation of it
if i could i would.

it just happens
at times..

It's not what I want now or..
what is my interest..


Why ask me what i want to study
when you already made up your mind to ask me apply government and take whatever they are giving me...
maybe I'm still immature to chase after my dream and interest.
but I just can't imagine my whole life doing something I'm not even interested in.
or stuck in Msia
Just..stop pestering me to apply everyday
or telling me how well other ppl's daughters/sons doing in university although they were reluctant to take the courses offered at first.
Stop criticizing about everything just because you are scared that I insist to take that certain course and want to go private college instead.
Stop confusing me and make me feel sick bout everything.


I couldn't help it but think it's a bit unfair in many ways
which I rather bottled everything inside me .
Why me?
When I think I'm a bit luckier than the 'others',
by the end of the day, things turn the other way round.
I'm the one who is the unluckier one.


Maybe God has great plans with my life.
HAHA.

Who am I to kid.

Ok let me get this straight..
I don't mind helping
BUT PLEASE...just please stop taking advantage of it.
Just because i'm not saying anything and keeping silent,
you don't have the darn rights to go overboard.
Be considerate and reflect on what you did...
not just blame me when
I can't stand it anymore and stop lending a helping hand.
I don't care how you think bout me but
telling people lies and acting like you are the victim instead? how low
You complain like everything there is.
this thing that thing. this person that person.
but I guess you never look at yourself.
I'm so sick of all your never ending complains.
Stop complaining like you're the only one having problems.
Once or twice is enough. Deal with it.
Another thing, just admit it when you did something wrong
or when you just don't have any idea of what to do.
It's not wrong or shameful to admit it and learn.
It's so much uglier when you act like you know it all
but obviously you don't and start to blame other ppl again
when things go wrong.
All you know is the easy way out in everything.
So please take some time and reflect on yourself.
Grow up and act your age.

work is getting hectic
CS is never an easy job..
when everything is supposed to be yours to do

felt guilty and sad
to the cute little kitten i saw for the first and also the last time..
you were there at the divider of the road,
so cute and tiny chasing something.
i saw from a distance and driving,
gonna pass by you
till a bike dash by..
you were shocked.
that's when you rushed back to the middle of the road,
to get back to the other side.
i hit the brake and slowed down
but i think it's too late.
all i could do is shriek a little and continued my journey
cursing the bike at the same time
hoping that you are okay and
successfully escaped to the side of the road
but no..i saw you lied there,
stoned and stiff when i'm on my way back
a part of me died a little inside.
is it me or the other car?
nonetheless, i still feel sad
you were just so young...
it makes me think about life again
how unfair, how unpredictable.
i hope you rest in peace..
reincarnate with a better life.



i dedicate this post to you,
little kitty..
forgive me.

just because..

me : i want a wedding dress.
2nd sis : you need to find a groom before you wear one
me : who say so. i can wear without a groom. marry myself la.
2nd sis : if you marry yourself, you don't need a wedding dress.
me : BUT I WANT MAH!

[conversation ended as we need to order in Lohas*]

*Lohas (a beverage tea shop beside one station)
recommended. me, janice and kerping used to get addicted
when we were having our stpm.
we would buy after lunch and took to kkm to enjoy it.
although the choices are limited but nice and
the price is not that bad.
the conversation started cuz beside Lohas is a malay bridal shop(?)
so..for fun i started it.


went to check my eye power too
and get new contact lens..this time GREEN
reasons = my sis bought grey.
dont want to have the same color with her.
and since i used grey before might as well change this time.

postman to heaven.
got it at last!
♥